• You didn't have to go to work.
• You didn't have to work from home.
• It was unclear whether you had to work because your workplace was theoretically following the federal government closure schedule but your boss is kind of an ass and was trying to make you work anyway.
• You drank before noon.
• You had enough class to put it in your coffee.
• You posted a photo of the snow to the internet.
• The photo you posted was of the chair on your deck.
• You thought the words "post-apocalyptic" or "end times"
• You blogged and/or twittered those words.
• You actually thought you were being insightful and/or funny when you did that.
• You built something out of snow.
• You built something whimsical out of snow.
• You compared East Coasters' attitude towards the snow unfavorably to the attitude of those who live in [insert Midwestern place where you grew up/went to college]
• You watched an entire season of any one television show.
• You went outside and were totally, utterly charmed because these giant East Coast cities look fucking amazing in the snow.
• You're kind of sad it's over.
• But not really.

Exactly a week ago, the "I" key on my laptop stopped working, followed closely by the "K" key, the comma, and the number 8.

I read a paper a few years ago [PDF link] that examined the IM conversations of couples and found a strong association between their use of pronouns, especially "I" and "we", and the quality and stability of the relationship. They offer all sorts of explanations about expressing one's feelings and blah blah blah, but my experience suggests that the connection may be even more straightforward: writing without I's makes you sound like a pretentious jerk. The following examples are not hypotheticals. They are ripped-from-the-IM-headlines examples of the horrors of living in an I-less world.

With I's: "I think we should eat dinner at Stoney's tonight."

Without I's: "My thoughts are that Stoney's would make an excellent venue for supper."

With I's: "I think you're right."

Without I's: "Yes, you are generally correct accordng to my understandng of the matter."

The problem is fixed now. Tom ordered, received, and installed a new keyboard within the week. Not to diminish his general awesomeness, but I suspect his alacrity may be partly explained by his desire to stop receiving IM's that sounded as if they were written by Henry James. Not to mention my ill-fated experiment with substituting 1's for i's. To wit, again pulled directly from the IM logs, I narrate my attempt to replace the K key:

10:51:15 PM: now 1 cant get the (cay) bac on AND 1t doesnt worc
10:53:04 PM: fuc
10:53:27 PM: now the e1ght 1s brocen too

It was a difficult week for all of us.

Institutions that have wished me a Happy Holiday:

Amtrak Guest Rewards
R5 Productions
Wizard Magazine
Harvard Book Store
American Airlines AAdvantage
Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction
The Annenberg School of Communication
Neopets
Anthony's Italian Coffeehouse
American Apparel

Institutions that have wished me a Merry Christmas:

Focus on the Family

1) A case of beer
2) A hundred soft pretzels
3) My bike
4) Tom Lee
5) A goose (dead)